| Kids Grow Up and Leave, But Life Goes On |
| By Li Qiu-yue, Tzu Chi Teachers Association Translated by Wu Hsiao-ting |
Fourteen years ago, my older son left home for college. I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because he was continuing his studies at an institution of higher learning and embarking on a new phase of life. I was sad because our beloved son was leaving us. His place at the dining table would soon be empty. My heart was in a tug-of-war—I was torn between wanting to hold on to my son and having to let go of him. When he arrived at college and called home to let us know how he was doing, I was so overcome with emotion that the phone trembled in my hand and tears ran uncontrollably down my face. Four years later, the same thing happened with my younger son. I thought that since I had been through this before, I would do fine this time. However, when he called home for the first time after he had left for college, I was still so choked up with emotion I couldn’t speak. It wasn’t easy to let go. It really wasn’t.
To release the emotions I was feeling, I wrote an article and submitted it to a newspaper. Part of the article read: Life is like a big circle. Years ago, I left home to attend college. The image of my mom standing before the front door of our home watching me go away is etched in my mind to this day. Now it was me who watched my son go off to college. How much will he remember of the scene where we said goodbye? Although I knew this day was coming, that it was meant to happen, I can’t help feeling a deep sense of loss—it is a feeling hard for people to understand if they haven’t experienced it themselves. When the objects in my son’s room gradually disappeared into one cardboard box after another to go away with him, the desk and bed that used to be a mess became so clean and tidy. It looked like a magic wand had been waved over the room. However, as his room became emptier and tidier, it also meant that the time for us to part was drawing closer. Eventually, the shipping company came to take his stuff away. His belongings were carried out of the house, box by box. As much as I didn’t want to face it, the time had come to say goodbye. I drove my son to the train station, our car laden with the sadness of imminent separation. When we arrived, I hugged him again, and we told each other to take care. Then he walked straight into the station without even once looking back. He must have felt that it would make things easier on us this way. When I returned home, I looked at his empty bedroom and study. My heart felt as if it had been gnawed hollow by termites. Then he called to let us know he had safely arrived in Taipei. Through the phone I could hear his schoolmates’ laughter and merry voices in the background—my son was clearly settling well into his new environment. No one knew how much he was going to miss us. Did he know how much we were going to miss him? Kids grow up and move away; sometimes they even go away to a foreign country. Sooner or later, we all must face an empty nest, where only you and your spouse are left at home. This is life. This is a natural part of life’s cycles. Whether we like it or not, we must accept it. Resistance won’t change things or do us any good. How, then, do you reach a balance between attachment and letting go? You can only let time do its work. Time heals. At the same time, it will help to tell yourself that your kids are leaving to pursue self-fulfillment. They are grown, and it’s time they learn to be independent. As parents, we must learn to be independent too so that our kids won’t worry about us. As empty nesters, it is highly advisable that we get out of our homes. We can volunteer or learn things we have always wanted to learn, such as painting, playing musical instruments, or sports. Let activities fill up your life. Staying occupied is a good antidote to your feelings of loss and sadness. Also, try to reach some understanding with your kids. Let them know that they should call home regularly to let you know how they are doing. Remind them that if anything untoward should happen, they should never hesitate to tell you about it. This will ease any worry you might have about them, and should they need any help or advice, you can offer it promptly.
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