| Beauty Is in the Mind’s Eye |
| By Li Wei-huang Translated by Tang Yau-yang Photos by Hsiao Yiu-hwa |
When she was a child, a fire left her heavily scarred. “I’ve lived with the scars for nine years,” she said with a wry smile. “I’ve grown used to them, but they make people uneasy.” What is beautiful and what is not? How much do the views of others about you affect your own? For her, others’ views hold little sway. She sums up her strong attitude with a simple affirmation: “I myself decide how I want to look at myself.” This was a hot summer day. Yan Man-ru (顏曼如), 20, was wearing a T-shirt that freely exposed the scars on her arms and hands. Those scars were a result of a fire caused by an electrical fault on the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival in 2006. The raging fire killed her brother and left her severely injured. She was 11 years old and a sixth grader at the time. Deep burns covered more than 60 percent of her body. She was in the ICU for three months, and her legs were amputated below the knees to save her life. So young and yet so badly disfigured, could she handle the many obstacles that would face her as she grew up and traveled through life? Apparently she could. In 8th grade, she won a presidential award for being an excellent student and for her optimism and courage in the face of adversity. She won a scholarship twice from the Sunshine Social Welfare Foundation, and she entered Taipei First Girls High School, reputedly the best in Taiwan for girls. Now in college, she is upbeat and sunny. She is no different from other college kids: She does things that they do, and wears what they wear—except shorts. She has recovered very well over the years, taking sure steps—scars and prostheses notwithstanding—on her path through life. They don’t bother me The scars on her face are hardly noticeable if you don’t look too closely. They have healed remarkably well. In fact, you may even say that she looks prettier than many other girls, with their faces intact and unharmed. Still, the scars on her arms and hands are obvious, and many people feel awkward when they lock eyes with her. They are concerned that a curious glance from them might hurt her feelings. “I’ve lived with the scars for nine years,” she said with a wry smile. “I’ve grown used to them, but they make people uneasy.” She might not have noticed one thing though: By accepting herself as she is, she is actually making it easier for strangers, including me, to look beyond her scars. Man-ru figures that she has been through at least three wound-cleaning procedures, five skin-graft surgeries, an amputation, two scar reduction surgeries, and three bronchial laser surgeries. But she will admit, she isn’t even sure herself exactly how many operations she has been through. However, she does know for certain that her back, abdomen, thighs, and the crown of her head have all contributed healthy skin to cover her wounds, including those on her left cheek. A large area of her left cheek was badly burned. Her doctor shaved the scars there to make them smoother, harvested skin from her neck, and grafted it on the cheek. Man-ru readily admits that she dislikes summer a great deal, but it isn’t because her short-sleeved clothes expose her scars to public view. The real reason is perspiration. Her cheeks, due to the burn injuries, cannot sweat. Therefore, she sweats elsewhere, like from her forehead. “That often wets my bangs and collapses my hair. I really hate it when that happens,” Man-ru said, running her fingers through her bangs. The burns have messed up more than her hair; they have affected other areas of her life as well. The loss of her legs, for example, understandably limits her mobility. Prostheses can easily bruise her flesh, further curtailing her desire to move about. She used to sing pretty well, but injuries from inhaling smoke and hot air took such a toll on her lungs that she can no longer sing like before. She even has to have surgery because of that every two or three years. She used to swim frequently, but now because of her prosthetic legs, she no longer goes into a swimming pool.
Man-ru, far right, and some of her relatives in traditional costumes of the Taiwanese aboriginal Ami tribe. She was visiting her mother’s hometown in Changbin, Taidong, eastern Taiwan, soon after she had been admitted into college. Courtesy of Yan Man-ru
“What does it feel like to have your feet in the water?” Man-ru asked a classmate. “It feels just like putting your hands in it,” a thoughtful classmate replied in a way to which she could relate. Actually, Man-ru has it all planned out: When she is mentally ready, she is going to enter a swimming pool again. She has thought it all through in detail: She’ll take off her prostheses, get to the poolside, slip into the water, and enjoy the fun of the long desired experience. She has run through these steps in her mind many times, and she is serious about making it a reality one day soon. A label named “beauty” Burns leave indelible marks on their victims. Scars on the face, neck, and hands are the most difficult to hide. Exposed scars invariably attract unwanted attention. Indeed, Man-ru has received countless curious glances over the years—seemingly discreet but hardly undetectable glances—and she will see countless more in her life ahead. This year People magazine named the American actress Sandra Bullock the “2015 World’s Most Beautiful Woman.” Bullock, 50, is the oldest person ever to scoop the title. But she openly called the whole thing ridiculous. The Oscar-winning star asserted that she thinks beauty comes from within. She said, “The people I find most beautiful are the ones who aren’t trying.” She observed that there was more to beauty than youth and physical appearance. She said that she accepted the People honor because “I said if I can talk about the amazing women who I find beautiful, which are these women who rise above and take care of business and do wonderful things, and take care of each other, then I’m more than honored to be on the cover of this.” Man-ru shares Bullock’s view on beauty. Like the actress, she does not like society to dictate to her what is beautiful and what is not. “Beauty should manifest itself in more than one way, shouldn’t it?” she asked. Man-ru saw the title of an Internet article not long ago that read, “Even with bulky legs and small breasts, you can still dress to kill.” She took issue with that. The title may seem positive at first glance, but it actually degrades people with bulky legs and small breasts. “Who set the standards for beautiful legs and breasts?” Man-ru asked. “Who are they or we to judge?” She understands that most people may not give a lot of thought when they pass judgment on what is attractive or ugly—more often than not, they simply accept what the media tells them and unconsciously pass on those same views. But degrading remarks, if repeated often enough, might shape an entirely misguided and damaging stereotype. Take that article title again as an example; unsuspecting readers may consequently begin to believe that fat legs and small chests are not beautiful. Another example is the idea that being slim is a requirement for being beautiful. Man-ru refuses to be enslaved by such views. She believes that it is quite all right for women to slim down for the sake of health, but not for the perceived beauty of being slim. Because of her experience, she tends to be more sensitive to the popular, superficial view of what counts as beauty. She is aware of the impact of this superficiality on her personally. She knows that, like it or not, her appearance may shape another person’s first impression of her. This may have dire consequences in a job interview, which Man-ru will have to face one day. Stereotypes may lead prospective hiring managers to sacrifice functions and skills for looks. It is indeed true that the job market can be unfair when it comes to dealing with people with unusual looks. For example, someone with impeccable carriage and manners, skills, and work ethic may qualify just as well as the next person for a job as a flight attendant or a model, but scars on his or her face—whether from fire, surgery, or whatever—would all but guarantee that he or she will not be considered further for the position. “Face equality” is an issue the Sunshine Social Welfare Foundation has long been advocating. The foundation hopes by advocating this issue to change public attitudes towards persons with unusual appearances, and to promote fair treatment and equal opportunities for everyone, regardless of how they look. Disfigurement can result from diverse causes, such as burns, tumors, or birthmarks. Whatever the cause, disfigurement more often than not subjects the person to prejudice, which hurts even when it is entirely unintended. The hurt may last a lifetime if the owner does not learn to live with or even accept the prejudice. The recent explosion at the water park has shone light on the issue of face equality once more, but it is still too early to tell how much discussion will be generated, how long public attention will last, or whether any material changes will ensue to benefit the disfigured.
Man-ru accepted an educational award from President Ma Ying-jeou in 2009 when she was in eighth grade for her positive attitude in facing her life’s challenges and her excellent academic performance. Courtesy of Yan Man-ru
A disfigured person can face special treatment at every turn. One day, while waiting for the elevator, a boy stared at Man-ru, turned, and said to his mother, “What happened to her? She looks scary.” His mother quickly covered his mouth and said, “Remember I told you not to play with fire? Be a good boy and do as I say, okay?” At least Man-ru might have served a useful purpose in that instant. The fire on that fateful night in 2006 was a watershed in Man-ru’s life. When telling people about herself, she invariably contrasts the two worlds that she has known—the one before the accident, and the one after. At 11 years of age, when she was first hospitalized after the accident, she could not appreciate the full impact of her injuries—she did not even think about how the loss of her legs would affect her. She did not become more concerned until she was about to be discharged from the hospital. Only then did she realize that she would need help for her every need, be it a drink of water or to use the bathroom. It began to dawn on her that many challenges awaited her. Her family was very protective of her the first few years after her injury. They would not let her go to the park near their home, and even though they lived near a bus stop, she never took a bus. Her father always drove her to and from school or let her take a taxi. Because of that, she never knew where the buses went until she started high school. But that was in the past. Now she is quite at ease with taking the bus or the mass rapid transit system. She is independent, and she has been quite active at school, even being an officer of a school club. Looking back, it was not an easy path, but luckily support and help accompanied her along the way. The 2006 fire erupted late at night. Tzu Chi volunteers showed up at the hospital early the following morning to offer care to Man-ru and her family. They took hot food and herbal tea to her parents every day. When Man-ru was transferred to another hospital, volunteers who lived closer took over the care. Forty volunteers helped the family clean up after the fire. From the burned home, they removed charred wood pieces, burned furniture, soaked mattresses, twisted window frames, shattered glass, cracked tiles, and other debris—enough stuff to fill two large trucks. It must have been a nightmare for Man-ru to be in the middle of the flames that destroyed all those things. Her classmates in junior high school helped her a lot too. They fetched her lunch and took it to her desk, and they moved and pushed her wheelchair. Their care for and attention to her made her a unique celebrity on campus. Many people came to know her as a result. Along the way she made good friends of her own who have accompanied her ever since. The Man-ru of today is optimistic and looks at the bright side of things despite her disability and disfigurement. Her sound mindset might have been nurtured by the many kind people that have assisted her along her path.
She shows both her scars and her confidence, and that is beauty.
When her neighbors saw her after she first returned home from the hospital, many comforted her by saying: “Those burns were all right. You still look pretty.” At first, the young Man-ru thought that, though well-meaning, the neighbors did not really mean what they said, and she felt they were phony. But she has changed her view now. “I’ve begun to think that maybe they really meant it. Even if they didn’t, I can choose to believe their words.” She has matured enough to know that she does not need other people to tell her whether she is pretty or not. She herself gets to decide how she wants to think of herself. Such an attitude in fact may benefit not just her, but anyone. Each person is unique and totally free to define their own beauty. After all, it is your life to live. Way to go, Man-ru! |
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